I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
