Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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