So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
