Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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