You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
