I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he was CRYING into my vagina
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
