It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
