you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
