remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
