we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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