have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
