i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
