Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize