soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Someone signed my nipple.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
