yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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