The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
