It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
