it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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