Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
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