please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
