my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
