i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
