why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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