is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
