I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
