Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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