I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
