i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
