i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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