Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
