i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
A+ Viking dick
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
