I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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