upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
