you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
