I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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