New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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