Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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