Duck Duck Cougar?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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