You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
