He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He has the fingertips of a God
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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