So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
