I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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