Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sext me about skeletons
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
