go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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