Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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