So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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