Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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