Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
