allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
