I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
