five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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