just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
