Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
