my vag is so smooth its legendary
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
