Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
