He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We are two peas in an std pod
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
