as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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