____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
