He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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