Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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