so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
