My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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