Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
