Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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