I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
