she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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