I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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