KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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