We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
