my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
