I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
