Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
