she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
