East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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