Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
