never play flip cup with pint glasses
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
