New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
A bitchslap is in order.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
